i dont want to drop tears. please. tell me to stop. i dont want to cry. please.i cant take this. i dont know why all these sad memories came rushing back into my mind. i cant forget that night when i live in desperation, where no one stands by me but push me further into a dark pit. i cannot forget how i ran bare footed across the streets. i stood there with no hope no faith no.. nothing. i have nothing. this agonizing pain is a part of my scar. this open wound i cant heal. please. dont remind me of anything. dont ask. i dont wanna talk abt anything. i rather suffer in silence like i used to.

dont talk to me abt family matters. what do u know. if u say u love ur family. do u sincerely do and share their pain and joy? i do. i once did. how much is love and cherish. do u share their pain. do u understand them. do they know u. have they ever exist in ur life. they do not exist in my life.
each and every time i tried to reach out but u know they dont exist in my life. they are merely objects that move around over space over time. and slowly they just dissolve into ashes.

my disappointment i fear i will have to face it one more time. no matter how strong i tries to be. i still cant deny feelings that are rooted inside me. tell me i bare no more hatred no more disappointment no more pain. i know i cant.

god knows. to forgive and forget. why should i be the one to forgive and forget. why. i wanna play the bad guy role for once. i wanna be evil and slaughter every being that hurts my feelings.the bad guy always win. i dont wanna be a loser in the real world. not anymore